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"Protect Your Unit" Game - Week 6 Picks (After the Fact)

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I had a lot of stuff going on the last three nights and didn't have time to post everyone's picks for Week 6. But we do have picks to share, and since I'm posting these after all the games have already happened, I hope you enjoy all the unintentional comedy.

DISCLAIMER: These picks are for entertainment purposes only. No actual wagering is being performed, which you will probably understand when you see which games we all picked.

As always, we begin with the previous week's leader, which is Casual Hoya. Take it away, guys.

CasualHoya.com's unit, while shrinking, is still surprisingly large... in fact, larger than everyone elses in this blog netherworld. This stunning situation in which we find ourselves is virgin territory given our utter lack of real-life gambling prowess. It is certain not to last. However, it reminds us of a certain t-shirt we noticed at the craps table at the hard rock in vegas some years ago, which simply read, elegantly, I might add: "I have the biggest d*ck in the band."

This week, we like:

Texas Tech -2.5 over Baylor, $200

UConn -5 over Rutgers, $25

Houston +5 over Mississippi State, $25

So yeah... they're still going to be in the lead this week.

By the way, I ordered the Code Red on Tuesday and asked everyone to consider picking UConn over Rutgers as part of our unanimity on Rutgers being the worst team in the league. (There are no Rutgers bloggers in this contest.) Almost everybody did, putting sometimes catastrophic amounts of money on the game. This really could not have worked out any worse, because Schottenedsall gave Rutgers the game outright, and then USF turned out to be a very suitable replacement as the worst team in the league. In related news, everything sucks and I hate everyone.

WVUIE97 from The Smoking Musket didn't send any picks, taking his second and last bye week. Which brings us to Toro Grande, and remember when I said some people put catastrophic amounts of money on UConn? Well, take a look at this after the jump.

Obviously, it's Sportsbooks Give Back Week. If you own shares of MGM Mirage or LVS, I strongly suggest selling and shorting before Saturday morning. I haven't been this excited since... well since Roy Halladay THREW A DAMN NO HITTER IN THE PLAYOFFS!! We're still using clouds for shoes here in Diehard Phillies land. Not to mention that in a safe deposit box in our former hometown of Las Vegas sits a $100 ticket on the Phillies to win the World Series at 8-1 odds. And we are NOT Protecting Our Unit on that one. We gonna ride or die.

The $20 we have on USF to win the BCS Title at 100-1... well, no comment.

When the lines are bad, it's time to Lay The Wood. Here comes the laying.

$248 two team parlay. UConn -5 over Rutgers, Arkansas -5.5 over Texas A&M. For the life of me, I can't possibly understand why these lines exist. Schiano might get rolled by triple digits, forcing On The Banks to put Rutgers at a measly sixth in his Power Poll. And Petrino knows where his bread gets buttered, so there's no way he's going to let a pretty untalented A & M team hang around in front of a big Arkansas donor (Jerry Jones).

$1 on my Beloved Alma Mater -7.5 over Syracuse. This will be the sixth straight year we've played La Orange at noon. And it should be the sixth straight year we cover. I'm too lazy to check if that's actually true, but it sure feels that way. And any team that participated in The Greg Paulus Experiment gets a three year karma penalty.

$1 on UConn -5 over Rutgers... oh wait, I can't do that again?? (Editor's note: Well, technically you could do that.) Fine, give me Temple +3 over Northern Illinois. Where can I buy stock in "Al Golden will be hired by a BCS team in the next two years?"

OK, here's the thing. I like when people come up with elaborate long-shot teasers, because it's an easy way for people to be separated from their fake money. But Scott from Bearcats Blog is taking this way too far. Take a look at what he came up with this week.

I love how terribly this is going to work out for all of us.

UConn -5 for $5
Auburn -6 for $20
Pittsburgh +6 for $10
Arkansas -5 for $20

6 point tease - Alabama -1, Nebraska -5, UF -0.5, Miami PICK, Auburn PICK for $25

Home run of the week... 6 point tease - Alabama -1, Auburn PICK, Air Force -18.5, Mizzou -5.5, Penn State -2, Ohio State -15.5, Florida -0.5, Cincinnati -11, Michigan State +10.5, Nebraska -5, Oregon -30.5, Pittsburgh +12, USF -1.5, Arkansas +1, TCU -28 for $7.

You read that right. a 15 fucking team fucking tease. Fortunately Alabama had the courtesy to lose to Sakerlina, so I don't have to go through and find all these games to figure out whether it came through or not.

Yes, I had too much time on my hands this afternoon.

Oh, you think?

Bonus 7 team parlay for $2: Alabama -7, UConn -5, Penn State -8, Michigan State +4.5, Nebraska -11, Pittsburgh +6, Georgia Tech +10.

I decided to lose much more than 6 units this week.

Yep.

Next up is Kevin Meacham from The UConn Blog, and if there's a silver lining to that horrific game on Friday night, it's that he was the only person not to put action on the Huskies. Here were his picks.

All of you betting on UConn to cover 5 points are nuts, for the following two reasons:

1) Vanderbilt and Buffalo. Both might be better than Rutgers, but still...Vanderbilt and Buffalo.
2) This game screams "16-13 nationally-televised shitfest that includes more calls for the Big East's disbanding."

Much like a Rutgers girl, I wouldn't touch that game with a 20-foot pole.

On to my picks:

$100...Michigan State (+4.5) over Michigan. We all realize that Denard Robinson has played UConn's crap defense, a bad Notre Dame team, UMass, Bowling Green and Indiana, right?

OK. I just wanted to make sure everyone reading this in the future understood why I was stupid that one time in October 2010, when I threw away 100 bucks betting against 2010, 2011 and 2013 (he was injured in 2012) Heisman winner Denard Robinson.

$40...South Florida (-7.5) over Syracuse.

$30...Purdue (+9.5) over Northwestern, because Northwestern cannot be trusted as a favorite ever. Three of their five wins (Vandy, Minny, Central Michy) by five points or less.

$20...Boise State (-39.5) over Toledo

$20...LSU and Florida UNDER 42.5

$20...Pittsburgh (+220) over Notre Dame

HEDGE WITH HATE:
$20...Utah State (+1.5) over Louisiana Tech, because I hate that Louisiana Tech is in the WAC.

Total bets: $250. I predict I will either take the lead or drop to 14th by Sunday morning.

Next is Chas Rich from Pitt Blather.

Man, I have nothing original to add to this. The three games on my list are among the picks. The fact that they appear to be no-brainers with this lot should terrify me.

I'm putting $25 on Houston +5 against Mississippi State. Yes, UCLA killed the Cougars earlier, but Houston is a different team at home and Mississippi State hasn't beaten a team at or above .500.

I had to check injury rumors and reports when I saw this line. Must be some really delusional Aggie fans that are keeping the line close. That or the fact that the economic force of Arkansas fandom in sports books is a bit limited. $100 on Arkansas at -5 against Texas A&M. At home and under a TD favorite? Madness.

My self-betrayal/reverse jinx special. $25 on Notre Dame -6 versus Pitt. Yes, I'm betting against my team. I picked them twice and was 0-1-1. I swore of betting on them, not against them. My feeling is Pitt is either going to win the game outright or lose by at least 10. I just don't feel there's a middle ground in this one. Pitt has won two straight against ND, but lost two straight against Brian Kelly teams. Which streak is more likely to continue?

I'm going to drink heavily now and pretend I did not do this.

Now on to a jubilant Hoya Suxa, who may even now be getting pulled out of a gutter by one of New York's finest after yesterday's Syracuse game. He came up with something that would have been a lot funnier if I'd had time to post this before the UConn game.

Holy crap, you guys! So, I tried to pop onto Twitter after Rutgers lost to Tulane last Saturday and this is what came up:

Rutgerscapacity3_medium

via hoyasuxa.files.wordpress.com

The fail male!

WAGER ONE: Connecticut (-5) at Rutgers

Greg SchianLOL against Randy EdsaLOL. I don't want to watch this. In fact, I'd rather eat mayonnaise than watch this, and I despise mayonnaise. I'm putting the value of a 64 ounce jar of Hellmann's on the Huskies to cover. $13.19 to the window.

WAGER TWO: Boston College at North Carolina State (-9.5)
Boston College is a miserable fucking mess and Frank Spaziani is everyone's least favorite mustachioed uncle. As Spaziani looks like he manages a Jiffy Lube for a living, I'm putting the value of a dogshit oil change on the Wolfpack to cover. $35 to the window.

WAGER THREE: LSU at Florida (-6.5)

I'd laugh at Les Miles for being a moron, but that's a serious affliction. If he wasn't coaching, he'd be bagging groceries and smiling big and wide at you. I'm taking Florida to cover. Let's take another $35 to the window because if I wasn't betting with the cash, I'd be lighting my cigars with it.

Sean Keeley of Troy Nunes Is an Absolute Magician, who at last report was "enjoying things", picked these games.

Good lord, leave some bets for the rest of us...

$50 on UConn -5 over Rutgers. Put the nail in the coffin and send SU one step closer to playing football outdoors in NYC in December. What a prize!

$50 on Penn St. -8 over Illinois. I know the Lions are down but the Illini are waaaaaaay down.

$75 on Pittsburgh +6 over Notre Dame. If Wannstadt loses this game, Pitt is out of the conference. No one is allowed to lose to ND. We beat them, UConn beat them, now Pitts better beat them.

Let's see my own crappy picks now.

Playing the maximum $250 this week because these lines are so tasty:

$55 on UConn -5 over Rutgers. This doesn't even need an explanation.

$55 on Auburn -6 over Kentucky. I'd like to think a true top-15 team can go beat a team on the road that really isn't that good by a touchdown or more.

$55 on Stanford -10 over USC. WHAT'S YOUR DEAL? WHAT'S YOUR DEAL? WHAT'S YOUR DEAL? Kiffin's gonna get shit canned in this one. I would bang Stanford if they were favored by 20.

$55 on Arkansas -5.5 over Texas A&M. They get two weeks to prepare for a team they beat the crap out of last year, in the same stadium? Yeah, I'll roll with that.

$30 on a six-team tease. Time for me to get in on the crazy teaser action, except I don't think this is that crazy. Florida down to -0.5 against LSU, South Florida down to -1.5 against Syracuse (I don't know by how much but I'm confident USF wins this game, hence the tease), Notre Dame down to a pick against Pittsburgh, Georgia Tech down to -4 against Virginia, Stanford down to -4 against USC, and Georgia down to -4.5 against Tennessee.

See what I mean about unintentional comedy? It's funny to see how arrogantly confident I was in these picks. This is why the people who run sports books have fancy cars and huge houses and trophy wives, and I have none of these things.

Anyway, here are Ken's picks, which were even more tragic than mine.

I promised three things in my podcast with Sean and those were:

USF -7.5 over Syracuse $50
UConn -5 over Rutgers $50
Michigan Michigan State OVER 64 $50

Now onto my other bets that don't have a chance in hell.

Stanford -10 over USC $50
Arkansas -5.5 over Texas A&M $25
Tulane -1 over Army. Just a shout out bet to the Green Wave for beating Rutgers last week. $10

My Nine Team Parlay of the Week: USF -7.5, UConn -5, Mich/MSU OVER 64, Stanford -10, Arkansas -5.5, Utah -6, GT -10, Baylor +2.5, NC State -9.5 $10

And finally Missouri -12.5 over Colorado $5. Play me off Sad Hawkins

Done and done. Shaggy Bevo, go!

 

Here comes another gambling catastrophe from Andrew Porter of The UConn Blog, who really got burned on Rutgers Hate Week.

For those not in the know, it is Rutgers Hate Week over at TheUConnBlog. We hold a hate week once during football season (for Rutgers) and once during basketball season (for Syracuse). It's a fine time, we hate a lot and angry up the blood. So with that in mind, my three picks this week are motivated only by hate.

First up: South Florida -7.5 over Syracuse. Why? Because I hate Syracuse. $1

Second: N.C. State -9.5 over BC. Why? Because I really hate BC. $1

Final: UConn -5 over Rutgers. Why? Because that line is comical. Plus, it is Rutgers Hate Week. I'm going all in. $248

Hate. Hate. Hate.

Oops. Oops. Oops.

Finally, the basement dweller, Chris Lane from The Nova Blog, who took his tips from a pretty shaky source -- me.

Is it bad that I am actually putting money on the exact same games, Voodoo? I'm living and dying by you this week. Actually, you should probably change your picks now that the Cellar-Dweller is on them.

Arkansas -5.5 over Texas A&M ($75) -- The bye week gave them a chance to clear their heads after that disaster of a loss, as well as gave them a chance to be more Southern. The fact that this line is so low scares me though.

UCONN -5 over Rutgers ($50) -- Why was Frazer ever starting?

Stanford -10 over USC ($50) -- I hate Lane Kiffin. I hate Lane Kiffin. I hate Lane Kiffin.

Notre Dame -6 over Pitt ($75) -- No parlays or teasers this week! ND showed last week that they can load up the box and just make you beat them through the air. Baldwin is a manimal, but not sure their QB (sorry Chas I forget his name) can get him the ball enough. If ND's offense can click for more than 1 quarter that'd be nice too.

We'll show you just how badly everyone got whipped tomorrow.