College Football Week 4 TV Viewing Guide: Watch these games because I won’t

If you all saw my Facebook Live video yesterday, then you know I’m on vacation in the Pacific Northwest, far, far away from college football. USF already has a huge win in the bank and there’s a lot more to see out here, and also there are no live football games in a 300-mile radius. (Oregon, Oregon State, Portland State, and Washington are all either on the road or on a bye.) So I’ll tell you what I’m up to and which football games I will not be watching. Please watch them for me. Thank you.

Here’s the full viewing schedule:

12:00 p.m.: I will be heading up to Mt. Tabor Park, an extinct volcano turned city park with some spectacular views of Portland, instead of watching Houston-Texas Tech or any of a half-dozen demolitions of overmatched opponents by ranked teams.

3:30 p.m.: Back across town to Pittock Mansion, a museum house which was built and lived in by a former publisher of The Oregonian. From the backyard you can pick up the Wildwood Trail and see some amazing redwoods as you trek back towards the city center. By doing this I will miss TCU getting exposed by Oklahoma State, Michigan maybe losing to Purdue, Alabama struggling past Vanderbilt by the score of something like 17-3, and the 3-D chess match between Skip Holtz and Will Muschamp.

8:00 p.m.: Meeting an old co-worker and friend for dinner who I’ve told to pick any place anywhere in town and surprise me. This could mean almost anything. Unlike Notre Dame-Michigan State, which will be predictable and terrible. The NFC East of college football games. You can also see CLANGA punch Governor Smart in the face, San Diego State hopefully losing to Air Force, and Florida TOTALLY BEATING KENTUCKY NOPE NO WAY THEY LOSE THAT ONE.

10:00 p.m.: You guys, Taggart’s going to hang 100 on Arizona State.