Protect Your Unit Week 11 Results Thread

(DISCLAIMER: This game is for entertainment purposes only. No actual money is being wagered.)

Okay, some of you might have noticed a little screwiness with the parlays this week. It turns out you degenerates like parlays a lot more than I anticipated.

Since I only got about 30-50 parlays in previous seasons - when there was no automatic mechanism to enter them - I effectively set the maximum number of parlays for the season at 255. Of course, you exceeded that total. This meant that all new parlays entered were being assigned #255, even if they were by different people or at different times. The parlays are identified by this number, so any attempt to display them would result in all the new parlays appearing as one gigantic merged parlay.

It’s the same principle that caused Memphis-Navy to endlessly appear in the Gambletron 2000 earlier this season. And caused glitches in classic video games like the Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Dig Dug, and Sinistar. Sinistar was the best, because you could get 255 lives if you know how to do it.

Thanks to E-dogg42 for first bringing this to my attention. While I’m thanking people, I also want to think jrjs for notifying me of some dodgy lines that appeared over the course of this season. I will have a new and much improved mechanism in place for PYU 2019.

On to this week’s games:

Entering this week, Undercoverbull was on the brink of elimination, with only $17.47 fake dollars left. He bet his remaining chips on a parlay of USF covering against Cincinnati, and UCF failing to cover against lowly Navy. Please note that going into this game, USF was 2-7 against the spread, while UCF was 5-2.

Needless to say, he... won?

Yep, it came through. Undercoverbull now has $62.89. And a well-deserved Randolph & Mortimer Spite Bet of the Week for betting his remaining chips on UCF underachieving and USF overachieving, despite all evidence to the contrary. Honorable mention: I also liked E-dogg42 betting $6 on SMU to beat UConn outright at -1200, winning fifty cents.

In other parlay news: It’s always fun when I get to invoke rule 7.3.3!

7.3.3. If any bet in a parlay is a push, that bet is removed, and the parlay is recalculated as a two-team parlay or single bet.

carlzee is the beneficiary (or victim, depending on one’s point of view). His 3-way parlay included Cincinnati -12 over USF, which pushed, so he wins a 2-way parlay. If not for that Coby Weiss missed extra point, he would have 52 fewer fake dollars.

And that could be a big difference in what has become a race to the bottom. More and more parlays are being entered, in an attempt to make up ground. Since parlays inevitably lose, players are losing overall. Check this table of straight and parlay bets by week:

Having said that, the total money won/lost is about the same: $1,837.99 for single wagers and $1,966.11 for parlay wagers. All fake money of course. Don’t worry, I’ve got lots of ones and zeroes over here.

This week’s winning parlays, including the above, were:

Hey now, that Middle Tennessee line looks a bit suspicious. Should have been MTSU -14 against dreadful UTEP, not +14. It does appear twice in the line history, which fulfills the current rule (and would have won anyway at -14). Well spotted there.

Standings time!

jrjs (+246.13) was the big winner this week, followed by defdans (+106.36), and carlzee (+86.55). gym399 (-329) had a rough week, missing on two parlays and putting a whopping $169 on Kentucky to win outright. I will now add insult to injury by declaring that the Floyd’s Money Team Degenerate Bet of the Week. E-dogg42 (-205.06) and jjlovecub (-86.00) also took steps back from the top of the table.

Undercoverbull (62.89) and BrianMartin (220.42) are under 250 fake dollars total and may bet it all on one play if they wish. Sorry, ElliotMoore (254.66), you still have to make the required 3 picks or take a bye week.

What do UMass, Liberty, Rice, Idaho, Chattanooga, and The Citadel all have in common? They’re all playing SEC teams in the middle of November. Seriously, SEC, schedule 9 conference games or just go back to 11 total. This is pathetic.

Though a couple SEC teams will draw respectable competition. Kentucky, fresh off that painful loss to rival Tennessee, now has to play 7-3 Middle Tennessee. As mentioned last week, UAB is 9-1 (and ranked in the Coaches Poll) going to Texas A&M.

National games of import are: Syracuse-Notre Dame; West Virginia-Oklahoma State; and Iowa State-Texas. San Diego State-Fresno State will decide one half of the Mountain West, but both teams have since taken losses, making it less nationally relevant. The MWC’s last real hope for the big bowl invite is one-loss Utah State.

Cincinnati-UCF is a game of genuine national importance. It will largely decide the AAC East, and put the winner in strong position for the NY6 bowl game. Temple has only one conference loss and a win over Cincinnati, and are still in the race; so their game against eliminated USF is still important.

Tulane-Houston and Memphis-SMU will sort out a log jam in the west. Houston has lost two straight, and is now tied with SMU and Tulane at 4-2. 3-3 Memphis can also get into the race with a win. UConn-East Carolina and Navy-Tulsa will decide fifth place in each division.

First set of lines will be posted Sunday night or early Monday.