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PYU Week 12: Melon Crazy

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The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - Season 23 Photo by: Gary Null/NBC via Getty Images

(DISCLAIMER: This game is for entertainment purposes only. No actual money is being wagered.)

Ladies and gentlemen! I did not come here today just to report the results of a fictional sports betting contest! I came here to sell you something and I want you! To pay particular attention! The amazing Master Tool Corporation, a subsidiary of Fly-By-Night Industries, has entrusted who? Me! To show you! The handiest and the dandiest kitchen tool you’ve ever seen! And don’t you wanna know how it works?

The comedian Gallagher passed away last Friday. He graduated from USF in 1970 with a degree in chemical engineering and a minor in English literature. He never mentioned his USF ties, though he did have one joke that did so obliquely: “I was in college for seven years. It was a real long war.”

So let’s all smash a watermelon in memory of a beloved fellow alumni. His act didn’t age well, but he’s still a comedy legend. He was probably the most famous USF alum from a field other than sports. Unless you’re a huge fan of Aasif Mandvi, or Drew from Office Space.

The defining moment of his acting career, and he wore green and gold. Gotta love that.

On to this week’s business. The cancellation of the Coastal Carolina-Virginia game resulted in one bet being voided, and one bet in a parlay being treated as a push (more on that in a minute). Most importantly, it wrecked a futures bet: ULhothot was in line to win 95.46 (45.46 plus his 50-unit bet back) on Virginia winning less than 7.5 games. By rule, that bet is now a push, so he will only get his 50 back. Rule 14.8.5.1 even says “If any game is unplayed, incomplete, or if an opponent or location changes, the bet is voided and the player neither wins or loses. This includes bets that have already clinched, such already a team already having met its win total.”

That game was also part of bullsonparade’s 400-unit parlay that also had USF-Tulsa over 58.5, and USF +13. So he’ll win 1,000 units if USF loses a high-scoring weeknight road game no worse than 36-24. Good luck with that.

Let’s see the picks as of about noon on Friday:

User Wager Final Score Units Result Payoff
bullsonparade96 Coastal Carolina +2.0 points over Virginia; Over 58.5 points in the South Florida-Tulsa game; South Florida +13.0 points over Tulsa (VOID,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 400.00 TBD 0.00
bullsonparade96 Over 50.0 points in the Bowling Green State-Toledo game; Toledo -15.0 points over Bowling Green State; Ohio -3.5 points over Ball State (WIN,LOSS,WIN) Bowling Green State 42-35; Bowling Green State 42-35; Ohio 32-18 169.47 LOSS -169.47
bullsonparade96 Illinois +700.0 money line to beat Michigan TBD 100.00 TBD 0.00
Danj725 Florida -14.0 points over Vanderbilt; Ohio State -27.5 points over Maryland; Penn State -19.0 points over Rutgers (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 100.00 TBD 0.00
Danj725 Tennessee -21.5 points over South Carolina; Cincinnati -17.0 points over Temple; Georgia -22.5 points over Kentucky (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 75.00 TBD 0.00
Danj725 Toledo -15.0 points over Bowling Green State; Under 55.0 points in the Ohio-Ball State game (LOSS,WIN) Bowling Green State 42-35; Ohio 32-18 50.00 LOSS -50.00
Danj725 Under 60.5 points in the Eastern Michigan-Kent State game; Under 46.0 points in the Miami (OH)-Northern Illinois game; Over 49.5 points in the Western Michigan-Central Michigan game (WIN,LOSS,LOSS) Eastern Michigan 31-24; Miami (OH) 29-23; Western Michigan 12-10 50.00 LOSS -50.00
Danj725 Central Florida -16.5 points over Navy; South Florida +13.0 points over Tulsa; Over 65.0 points in the Southern Methodist-Tulane game (TBD,TBD,WIN) TBD; TBD; Tulane 59-24 25.00 TBD 0.00
Danj725 Coastal Carolina +110.0 money line to beat Virginia TBD 10.00 VOID 0.00
Danj725 South Florida +420.0 money line to beat Tulsa TBD 10.00 TBD 0.00
Danj725 Over 43.0 points in the Connecticut-Army game; Army -10.0 points over Connecticut (TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD 10.00 TBD 0.00
Danj725 Southern Methodist +140.0 money line to beat Tulane Tulane 59-24 10.00 LOSS -10.00
dsidwell31 Oregon +2.0 points over Utah; San Jose State -1.0 points over Utah State; Southern California -2.0 points over UCLA (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 150.00 TBD 0.00
dsidwell31 Georgia -21.5 points over Kentucky; Over 48.5 points in the Georgia-Kentucky game (TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD 25.00 TBD 0.00
dsidwell31 Over 52.0 points in the Louisiana-Florida State game; Over 40.5 points in the Illinois-Michigan game; Tulsa -13.0 points over South Florida (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 25.00 TBD 0.00
dsidwell31 Miami (FL) +19.5 points over Clemson; Over 31.5 points in the Iowa-Minnesota game (TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD 10.00 TBD 0.00
dsidwell31 Louisiana State -14.5 points over Alabama-Birmingham TBD 10.00 TBD 0.00
dsidwell31 Wake Forest -10.0 points over Syracuse TBD 10.00 TBD 0.00
dsidwell31 New Mexico State +29.5 points over Missouri TBD 10.00 TBD 0.00
dsidwell31 Mississippi -2.5 points over Arkansas TBD 10.00 TBD 0.00
E-dogg42 Under 65.0 points in the Ohio State-Maryland game; Under 63.5 points in the Georgia Tech-North Carolina game; Under 64.5 points in the Colorado-Washington game (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 185.00 TBD 0.00
E-dogg42 Over 55.0 points in the Syracuse-Wake Forest game; Under 74.5 points in the Southern California-UCLA game; Over 32.5 points in the Iowa-Minnesota game (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 40.00 TBD 0.00
E-dogg42 Over 50.5 points in the Bowling Green State-Toledo game; Over 53.0 points in the Ohio-Ball State game (WIN,LOSS) Bowling Green State 42-35; Ohio 32-18 29.00 LOSS -29.00
E-dogg42 Tulane -3.0 points over Southern Methodist; Over 49.5 points in the Western Michigan-Central Michigan game (WIN,LOSS) Tulane 59-24; Western Michigan 12-10 20.00 LOSS -20.00
E-dogg42 Over 50.0 points in the Old Dominion-Appalachian State game; Over 51.0 points in the Akron-Buffalo game; Over 45.0 points in the North Carolina State-Louisville game (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 20.00 TBD 0.00
E-dogg42 South Florida +13.5 points over Tulsa; Over 59.5 points in the South Florida-Tulsa game (TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD 18.00 TBD 0.00
E-dogg42 Under 57.5 points in the Florida-Vanderbilt game; Over 52.5 points in the Navy-Central Florida game; Under 39.5 points in the San Diego State-New Mexico game (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 15.89 TBD 0.00
E-dogg42 Under 64.5 points in the Colorado-Washington game; Over 55.0 points in the Syracuse-Wake Forest game; Mississippi -2.5 points over Arkansas (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 15.00 TBD 0.00
E-dogg42 Over 51.0 points in the San Jose State-Utah State game; Nevada +22.5 points over Fresno State; Oregon -3.0 points over Utah (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 15.00 TBD 0.00
E-dogg42 California -4.0 points over Stanford; Oklahoma -7.5 points over Oklahoma State; Southern California -1.5 points over UCLA (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 15.00 TBD 0.00
E-dogg42 Under 60.5 points in the Eastern Michigan-Kent State game; Northern Illinois -1.0 points over Miami (OH) (WIN,LOSS) Eastern Michigan 31-24; Miami (OH) 29-23 15.00 LOSS -15.00
ElliotMoore Under 61.5 points in the Eastern Michigan-Kent State game; Miami (OH) +3.0 points over Northern Illinois; Western Michigan +10.0 points over Central Michigan (WIN,WIN,WIN) Eastern Michigan 31-24; Miami (OH) 29-23; Western Michigan 12-10 50.00 WIN 300.00
ElliotMoore Bowling Green State +15.5 points over Toledo; Ohio -3.5 points over Ball State (WIN,WIN) Bowling Green State 42-35; Ohio 32-18 45.00 WIN 117.00
ElliotMoore South Florida +13.5 points over Tulsa TBD 30.00 TBD 0.00
ElliotMoore Oregon -2.5 points over Utah (-102) TBD 30.00 TBD 0.00
ElliotMoore Over 43.5 points in the Illinois-Michigan game TBD 30.00 TBD 0.00
ElliotMoore Florida -14.5 points over Vanderbilt TBD 30.00 TBD 0.00
GaryStephen Texas Christian -3.0 points over Baylor TBD 44.00 TBD 0.00
GaryStephen Over 38.5 points in the Wisconsin-Nebraska game TBD 33.00 TBD 0.00
GaryStephen Louisiana State -14.5 points over Alabama-Birmingham (-102) TBD 22.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Michigan -17.5 points over Illinois; Michigan State -10.0 points over Indiana (TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD 50.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Clemson -18.5 points over Miami (FL); James Madison -8.5 points over Georgia State (TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD 35.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Michigan -17.5 points over Illinois; Kansas State -7.5 points over West Virginia; Clemson -18.5 points over Miami (FL) (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 30.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Kansas State -7.5 points over West Virginia; Over 65.0 points in the Oklahoma State-Oklahoma game (TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD 30.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Western Kentucky +190.0 money line to beat Auburn TBD 25.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot James Madison -8.5 points over Georgia State; Clemson -18.5 points over Miami (FL); Over 65.0 points in the Oklahoma State-Oklahoma game (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 25.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot James Madison -8.5 points over Georgia State; Michigan State -10.0 points over Indiana; Michigan -17.5 points over Illinois (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 20.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Miami (FL) +19.5 points over Clemson; Rice +13.0 points over Texas-San Antonio; Northwestern +18.0 points over Purdue (TBD,TBD,TBD) TBD; TBD; TBD 15.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Northwestern +750.0 money line to beat Purdue TBD 5.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Georgia Tech +900.0 money line to beat North Carolina TBD 5.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Miami (FL) +800.0 money line to beat Clemson TBD 5.00 TBD 0.00
ULhothot Rice +400.0 money line to beat Texas-San Antonio TBD 5.00 TBD 0.00

ElliotMoore has moved into fourth place in the season-long money race, on the power of two more MACtion parlay wins.

After this weekend is over, the results will be posted to this thread.

RESULTS

I knew I shouldn’t have questioned bullsonparade96’s 400-unit parlay. It of course won easily, vaulting bullsonparade96 back into first place. Sportscaster’s curse strikes again.

Last week’s leader jrjs kept pace though, hitting another coordinated parlay on UMass +38/Under 48 versus Texas A&M. That’s the proper name for this type of play. Which I just this week learned that real sports books don’t allow. PYU has never had rules against them, and Rule 7 explicitly allows them, so they’re permissible here. Just be aware you can’t actually make this bet for real, in any locale where sports gambling is permissible.

Next season will probably have a rule disallowing this type of play, but that’ll be the least of it. I’m working on an ambitious re-imagining of PYU for next season. I’ll make a formal announcement when there’s something ready to you all the demo and test. I don’t want to Duke Nukem Forever this any more than I already have.

Week 12 winners were:

bullsonparade96 770.53
jrjs 479.00
ElliotMoore 413.68
Defdans 262.00

This differs little from what the weekly standings were after the noon kickoffs:

All the big wins were from weeknight or early Saturday games. E-Dogg42 had one late parlay hit that included two west coast games, but it wasn’t enough to put him in the black for the week. Let’s review the big winning bets now:

bullsonparade96 Coastal Carolina +2.0 points over Virginia; Over 58.5 points in the South Florida-Tulsa game; South Florida +13.0 points over Tulsa (VOID,WIN,WIN) Virginia 0-0; Tulsa 48-42; Tulsa 48-42 400.00 WIN 1040.00
jrjs Under 48.0 points in the Massachusetts-Texas A&M game; Massachusetts +33.5 points over Texas A&M (WIN,WIN) Texas A&M 20-3; Texas A&M 20-3 300.00 WIN 780.00
ElliotMoore Under 61.5 points in the Eastern Michigan-Kent State game; Miami (OH) +3.0 points over Northern Illinois; Western Michigan +10.0 points over Central Michigan (WIN,WIN,WIN) Eastern Michigan 31-24; Miami (OH) 29-23; Western Michigan 12-10 50.00 WIN 300.00
Defdans South Carolina +1200.0 money line to beat Tennessee South Carolina 63-38 20.00 WIN 240.00
Defdans Over 58.0 points in the South Florida-Tulsa game; Over 47.0 points in the Indiana-Michigan State game (WIN,WIN) Tulsa 48-42; Indiana 39-31 70.00 WIN 182.00
ElliotMoore Ohio -3.5 points over Ball State; Bowling Green State +15.5 points over Toledo (WIN,WIN) Ohio 32-18; Bowling Green State 42-35 45.00 WIN 117.00
E-dogg42 California -4.0 points over Stanford; Oklahoma -7.5 points over Oklahoma State; Southern California -1.5 points over UCLA (WIN,WIN,WIN) California 27-20; Oklahoma 28-13; Southern California 48-45 15.00 WIN 90.00

I love a good moneyline longshot, and defdans scored on South Carolina +1200. ULhothot also hit on Georgia Tech +900. bullsonparade96 could have won even more if Illinois had held off Michigan at +700.

Before we review season-long standings, a futures note: most win-loss futures have clinched a win or loss, but won’t be settled until after the team plays its last regular season game. For most, that will be after next weekend. ULhothot had three of his futures bets settled this week: Oklahoma State to win the Big XII and/or national championship have both been marked a loss, as they have four losses and are mathematically eliminated from the former. His bet on Virginia to win less than 7 games was voided, because they had a game cancelled. The 50 units he bet on that has been returned to his bankroll, and his “pending futures” amount is updated to reflect only those that are still pending.

Andrewpina, briank19, defdans, LrdNorman, McIntyre2K7, and ULhothot have all clinched a windfall, provided every team plays its last game as scheduled. dsidwell will also, if Hawaii loses its last game. These are all still pending futures in the money standings. Which are:

User Total Pending Futures Grand Total Excluding Futures
bullsonparade96 3448.43 0 3448.43
jrjs 3360.80 0 3360.80
McIntyre2K7 1675.69 30 1705.69
ElliotMoore 1576.90 0 1576.90
E-dogg42 1333.48 0 1333.48
Defdans 1202.38 190 1392.38
Danj725 1069.95 0 1069.95
Gym399 1015.40 0 1015.40
GaryStephen 948.73 0 948.73
andrewpina 786.41 250 1036.41
dsidwell31 744.31 100 844.31
jjlovecub 677.00 0 677.00
Gibbsak 576.55 0 576.55
ULhothot 546.95 140 686.95
mcgies852 519.66 0 519.66
Squirbs 497.01 0 497.01
anthonyvito 386.37 0 386.37
briank19 257.04 150 407.04
Julmisteforheisman 235.15 0 235.15
lrdnorman 188.39 170 358.39
speruche 0.00 0 0.00

It’s a two-man race now between BOP96 and jrjs! McIntyre2K7 fell to third place after taking a big swing:

McIntyre2K7 Over 54.5 points in the Kansas State-West Virginia game; Over 47.5 points in the Georgia-Kentucky game; Under 47.5 points in the Texas Tech-Iowa State game (WIN,LOSS,WIN) Kansas State 48-31; Georgia 16-6; Texas Tech 14-10 550.00 LOSS -550.00 0
McIntyre2K7 Over 41.5 points in the Illinois-Michigan game; Over 52.5 points in the Navy-Central Florida game (LOSS,LOSS) Michigan 19-17; Navy 17-14 528.56 LOSS -528.56

Too bad PYU doesn’t offer the European-style “trixie” or “patent” bet, as that would have offset some of the losses. Cough cough ambitious re-imagining cough cough.

And finally, the points standings:

PLAYER TOTAL POINTS WEEK 12 POINTS
jrjs 74 10
McIntyre2K7 73
bullsonparade96 69 15
Danj725 47
ElliotMoore 47 7
Defdans 42 5

Only five points separate the top three! Danj725, ElliotMoore, and defdans are still mathematically in the points race, as a maximum of 45 more points is possible. No one else can earn enough points to take the lead. There are three weeks left: Week 13 is Thanksgiving weekend, followed by Week 14 (championship games, Army-Navy, any other games). All of bowl season is Week 15.

Speaking of Week 13: we all know where it starts and ends, with a game I think we’re all glad to see go away. Central Florida needs a win, to assure its spot in the conference championship game; a loss eliminates them. The winner of Tulane-Cincinnati will host that conference title game. Houston will also finish tied for second at 6-2 if they beat Tulsa, but they can’t win any tie-breaker.

Among the soon-to-merged schools, UTSA will host the Conference USA championship game next week; they play UTEP in their regular season finale. North Texas will be the opponent, as long as they beat Rice, or FAU beats Western Kentucky.

Games of no championship import are East Carolina-Temple, Memphis-SMU, and UAB-Louisiana Tech. Navy is off, before the Army game next week. Charlotte’s regular season is over.

It’s Thanksgiving weekend, so you know which big rivalries are on. The biggest one is of course Michigan-Ohio State, with huge national implications. Notre Dame-USC and Oregon-Oregon State are the other Top 25 games. The Egg Bowl is on Thursday night. NC State-North Carolina is Friday night. Saturday includes Auburn-Alabama, Florida-Florida State, Georgia Tech-Georgia, South Carolina-Clemson, Tennessee-Vanderbilt, Louisville-Kentucky, Kansas-Kansas State, and Washington-Washington State.