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"Protect Your Unit" Game - Week 8 Picks

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Come on Stoops, get it done tonight. A lot of us are counting on you. OK, mostly just me.
Come on Stoops, get it done tonight. A lot of us are counting on you. OK, mostly just me.

DISCLAIMER: This contest is for entertainment purposes only. No actual wagers are being performed.

Believe it or not, this week marks the halfway point in our game. And as you'll see, several of the players who are well off the pace have decided that this is the week to take their do-or-die shot at getting back into the contest.

Let's get right to the picks, starting with the current leader, Kevin Meacham from The UConn Blog.

KABOOM BABY! MAKE WAY FOR THE KING!

Sorry about that. It's not much of an exaggeration to say that my ascent to first place midway through a fake gambling contest is the best thing to happen to UConn in 2010. It's been a rough year.

Nevertheless, I did want to gloat just a little bit before Sweet Lady Luck drops me back into the bottom half of the standings.

With that in mind, take it away, Jadakiss...

Ahem.

Now, I'm due for a letdown, so I'm going to Threat Level Edsall and keeping things very conservative this week. My only goal is to stay above $1000:

--$40 Louisville (-1.5) over UConn
--$30 Navy (+7) over Notre Dame
--$20 4-team parlay: Maryland (+4) over Boston College, Oklahoma State (+5.5) over Nebraska, LSU (+6) over Auburn, Georgia (-4.5) over Kentucky
--$10 Oklahoma and Missouri OVER 53

Starting off the week in second place was WVUIE97 from The Smoking Musket. Let's see what he's going with:

$75 on Oregon (-25.5) over UCLA
$75 on Oklahoma (-3) over Missouri
$50 on Cincinnati (-7.5) over South Florida
$50 on Louisville (-1.5) over UConn

I was going to bet on WVU, but given this crowd's history and many taking them...I'm officially worried about the game on Saturday now.

So instead you lost $50 on the USF game, HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA.

More picks, more indecision, and more desperation after the jump.

Next up is Chas Rich from Pitt Blather.

Some of the lines have me simply terrified since they make absolutely no sense to me. They look almost too easy.

The Oklahoma line is a great example. Oklahoma (-3) over Mizzou for $75 just makes no sense. I have to take it, but I fear it.

The Big East lines are all insane to me.

Pitt beats the snot out of Syracuse and suddenly they are nearly a 2 TD favorite over Rutgers? I think Pitt wins, but not that big. At the very least, Rutgers will be good for a meaningless late score to screw the line. $25 on Rutgers (+12.5) against Pitt.

WVU meanwhile only has to give 14 at home against the Orange? Really? I can't stay away from at least touching that for something. $25 with WVU (-14) over Syracuse.

And Cincy, which seems to be figuring things out under Butch Jones plays a USF team that isn't. Cincinnati (-7.5) over USF for $25.

Is the line for the Miami-UNC game this strange because of Miami's inconsistencies or UNC's? Might have something to do with Miami only being 3-3 ATS while UNC is 5-1. I don't know, but with Miami at home and UNC having even more losses on defense -- beyond the eligibility stuff -- I'm putting $50 on Miami (-6.5) against UNC.

On to Hoya Suxa, who is luxuriating in finally being back ahead of the hated Casual Hoya in the standings.

Nobody calls me "Funtime Matt," but they should. Hell, I'm a basket of laughs, always doing fun things all the time. Even when I sleep people are jealous because I have super fun dreams. There isn't a person on the planet that has more fun than I do; even the guy who runs the Adorable Kittens and Human Vagina Store is, like, "Man, I wish I had Matt's life."

So, in an effort to fun-size your college football Saturday (and life in general), I'm providing some helpful and fashionable life tips to accompany my perfect wagers.

WAGER ONE: Connecticut at Louisville (-1.5)
Here's a fun game to play when you're bored:

1. Take a finger. It doesn't matter which finger, it doesn't matter which hand.
2. Jam it into your nose. It doesn't matter which nostril.
3. Pick me out a winner, Bobby.
4. Show your friends what you've found.
5. Proudly declare that you're in the mining industry and that snot is the world's only naturally renewable resource.
6. Wipe your product on the armrest of the couch.

That game is infinitely more fun than watching Connecticut's death march to the end of the season. Cardinals cover the 1.5 and I'm taking them at $30.

WAGER TWO: LSU at Auburn (-6)
Here's a fun game to play when assessing your life against the life of another:

1. Plop your over-educated ass on the couch.
2. Crack open a beer and start watching Les Miles coach a football game.
3. Find the nearest shotgun, place the muzzle directly in your mouth and pull the trigger because HOW THE FUCK IS LES MILES DOING THIS?!?

Les Miles' payment to the devil comes due on Saturday. Cam Newton goes biblical and Auburn covers the six. I win mega-money with $100 on the line.

WAGER THREE: Texas A&M (-13.5) at Kansas
Here's another fun game to play:

1. Take the Kansas job.
2. Get fired from the Kansas job less than 12 months later.

I like to call that game, "TURNER GILL LOVES JESUS, HATES CELL PHONES AND MIDDLE AMERICA." It's very popular in Kansas right now. $20 on an exceedingly erratic A&M team.

WAGER FOUR: Parlay of Doom
These things usually die for me by 3:30 on Saturday, but what the hell. I need to make up some ground, so let's get feisty with some favorites.

Give me: Oklahoma (-3), Texas Tech (-2.5), Penn State (-9.5), and Michigan State (-5) for $30.

And he's probably going to stay there awhile, because Casual Hoya already loaded up on the Thursday night game and came up snake eyes.

UCLA +25.5 248 dollars
Cincinnati -7.5 1 dollar
North Carolina +6.5 1 dollar

I didn't see the score of the Oregon game until the second quarter, but it was already like 26-3, and I knew Casual Hoya was going down in flames. But I waited until the score hit 46-6 to fire off these two tweets:

Pyu-1_medium

Pyu-2_medium

Of course Glaude had to get his two cents in:

Pyu-3_medium

And then Casual Hoya issued the 360-degree middle finger:

Pyu-4_medium

Good to see those two on such warm, friendly terms right before basketball season gets started.

Back to the picks now, and Scott from Bearcats Blog is back to his old crazy betting tricks:

Oregon -25.5 for 25. It's already up to like 27 or so since you locked this, so I'm not the only one who buys Oregon.

Pitt -12.5 for 10

6 pt tease for 17: Utah -24.5, Virginia Tech -20.5, Texas -15, Ohio St -18, Oregon -19.5, Mississippi St -14

6 pt tease for 35: Alabama -10.5, ECU -6.5, Oklahoma +3, South Carolina -6.5, Arizona -0.5

5 team parlay for 10 for the home run of the week: Georgia Tech +6, Michigan St -5, Oklahoma -3, Texas Tech -2.5, South Carolina -12.5

Last week was too tame. My charge to the bottom is really getting going now.

Now to Sean Keeley from Troy Nunes Is an Absolute Magician. By the way, if you haven't seen what his community did for the Boys and Girls Club of Syracuse before last Saturday's game against Pittsburgh, you really should read this.

- $30 on Cincinnati (-7.5) over South Florida. Cincinnati is clicking and USF is doing the opposite of clicking. Clacking?

- $50 on Rutgers (+12.5) over Pitt. Logically, this doesn't make sense, but then again that's exactly why it'll happen. This is what Rutgers does, gives you just enough a good game against a quality opponent to give you hope. And regardless of what they did to Cuse last week, Pitt is Pitt. They'll stumble.

- $30 on Louisville (-1.5) over UConn. A year from now, Randy Edsell is really gonna look back on this season and wonder what happened from his office in Minnesota.

OK, it's my turn, and I'm basically putting my season on the line tonight. Also ignore the DERP on last night's game. At least it only cost me a dollar.

I don't like many of the lines, but that isn't important because there's one line I just want to jump all over.

- $1 on Cincinnati (-7.5) over South Florida. I still don't understand this line; it should be double digits.

- $1 on West Virginia (-14) over Syracuse. This line also seems low, but it really doesn't matter since I'm basically going all-in on...

- $248 on Oklahoma (-3) over Missouri. Missouri has been not showing up for big games like this for years. I'm pretty sure this will be another case. Also they've played hardly anyone, and Oklahoma has several big wins in the bank. Just think the Sooners roll them up.

Ken's picks are next:

Temple -7.5 over Buffalo for $50. Yes, I'm betting on a MAC game.

Michigan State -5 over Northwestern for $50.

Going to go all Oregon here with a $50 dollar parlay of Oregon -25.5 and over 61.5.

USF +7.5 over Cincinnati for $10. Just want to throw away 10 dollars.

Washington +6.5 over Arizona for $25. Arizona's starting QB is out for 2 weeks. Seems like a good reason to me.

Middle Tennessee -12 over UL Monroe for $25. It took a miracle for Monroe to beat WKU. Yes, I'm also betting on a Sun Belt game.

My NTPOTW: Temple -7.5, Michigan State -5, Oregon -25.5 and OVER 61.5, Washington +6.5, WVU -14, Oklahoma -3, TCU -18.5, MTSU -12 for $10.

Finally, Texas Tech -2.5 over Colorado for $30. Play me off Sad Hawkins.

One again, from the Shaggy Bevo message boards... SAD HAWKINS, GO.

Predict14_medium

Nope, still not getting old. On to Chris Lane from The Nova Blog, who made a jump up last week and is looking to make another this week.

The bet big on one game worked exquisitely last week -- so we're going to stick with that.

Oklahoma -3 over Missouri ($200) -- The kind of line that should send you running in the other direction. Good times!

West Virginia -14 over Syracuse ($25) -- The BIG EAST Craptacular Special of the Week.

Northwestern +5 over Michigan State ($25) -- Just got a feeling Sparty is due to shit the bed like they do every year.

Getting close to the end here... Andrew Porter from The UConn Blog is next, and once again he's putting his head in the "put a lot of money on UConn" bear trap.

Somehow, someway, I'm still not in last.

You'll notice that I have yet to put in a single parlay this year. There's a reason for that: I'm bad at betting. Still, I like my odds this week, and not because I've been drinking (well, maybe that's it). Still, my picks:

$100 Temple -7.5 over Buffalo
$25 Maryland +4 over BC
$25 Pitt -12.5 over Rutgers

Finally, I swear I wasn't going to bet on UConn, especially after they kicked their QB off the team. Still, I love Jordan Todman too much.

$100 UConn +1.5 over Louisville

And sitting in the basement this week is our Toro Grande, but he's getting his comeback money in this week.

Far too nervous about a potential dynasty in the National League being down 3-1 (now 3-2) in the NLCS. This means I went through these lines as half heartedly as possible. Please God make this work.

Game theory says you must wager aggressively when in a hole against multiple opponents. So I'm strapping on my Lesticles to get back in this thing.

$247 3 team parlay: Rutgers +12.5, Michigan State -5, Sakerlina -12.5

$2 Cincinnati -7.5 over USF. Straight jinx reversal. And for no other reason.

$1 UConn +1.5 over UL. Edsall, show us something.

As usual, we'll have the week's glory and carnage posted on Monday. Mostly carnage.