clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

"Protect Your Unit" Game - Week 4 Picks

DISCLAIMER: This contest is for entertainment purposes only. No actual wagers are being made. But boy howdy, am I entertained.

Our slow, inexorable march to virtual bankruptcy continues with Week 4. And already we have some people being accused of throwing in the towel.

Normally I post everyone's picks in the order of the standings, but let's start with Andrew Porter from The UConn Blog so I can prove my point.

ANDREW: Last week I bet on emotion (ed. note: he flushed $200 down the drain betting on UConn against Temple) and it worked out.... poorly, but somehow, someway, I am inexplicably not in last place. Let's try to fix that this week:

$50 on Miami -3.5 over Pitt
$125 on Oklahoma -13.5 over Cincy
$25 on the over 47 for UConn/Buffalo

CHRIS: All BIG EAST games? Jesus.

CHAS: Betting all BE. Clearly the sign of someone who is sick of weekly picks and looking to be finished.

VOODOO: Goddamn, we're not even through September yet.

ANDREW: See, here is the thing: I grew up in New England. My father went to UConn. His father went to UConn. I didn't even know college football was a thing until roughly 2003. In so far that I've warmed up to the sport, it has been through watching the Big East. I currently have only a vauge impression that other conferences even exist. As such, I'm betting what I know, and what I know is this: the Big East is fucking terrible. So I'll bet against Big East teams. Maybe, just maybe I'll even keep my head above water.

You know, that strategy is so crazy* it might actually work.

* - not at all crazy.

With that out of the way, let's pick up the picks in the order of how everyone finished last week. Please note we have two byes this week. WVUIE97 was so tempted to load up on the Mountaineers at LSU (now known as "pulling an Andrew") that he caught himself and decided to sit this round out, and Toro Grande is also taking the week off.

Let's start with Chas Rich from Pitt Blather:

Putting $50 on Pitt +3.5 over Miami. Can't believe the line has moved closer. I felt much more comfortable at +4 for some reason. I know in real gambling, it is unwise to bet on emotion. And if I ever had gambled with real money in the past (and I'm not saying I have), I follow that rule. But since this isn't real money, I'm going with Pitt and taking care of my Big East pick.

There are certain teams that are good to bet against as much as with. I'm riding the anti-Mizzou vibe for another week. Putting $36 on Miami (OH) +20 against Missouri. Miami is better than that, and Missouri just isn't that good.

Speaking of betting against, Maryland. I already lost once going against them when Navy couldn't hold on to the ball. Trying again with $18 with FIU +12. FIU has put a scare into Texas A&M and Rutgers on consecutive weeks, why not at least keep it close against a Terrapin team that has net to score more than 17 points against 1-A opponents?

More picks and despair after the jump. This game is everything I dreamed it would be!

On to Scott from Bearcats Blog, who will try and bounce back from his 0-fer last week.

Oregon -12 over Arizona State for 25
6 point tease with Oregon to -6, Miami (FL) to +2.5, and West Virginia +16 for 30
6 point tease with Northwestern to -0.5, Miami (OH) to +26, and NC State to +14 for 25
Parlay of the week: Air Force -13.5, Florida -14, UNC -2, Boise State -17, TCU -17.5, Stanford -4.5, Oregon -12 for 10. 

Farewell thee 90 units

Well, farewell thee 10 units already. I have a feeling Scott may have joined many other gamblers in throwing his TV out the window when TCU missed a fourth-quarter extra point that ended up costing them a cover at SMU. To reiterate, again: Gambling is a bitch.

Speaking of bitch, Hoya Suxa has lots of bitching to do as always.

Dear Randy Edsall,

Die. Also, you're fucking clown shoes.

Hoya Suxa

WAGER ONE: Alabama (-7) v. Arkansas
I'm not a fan of the American south.  The culture is totally different than the northeast.  I mean, I like ignoring fellow citizens, complaining about having nothing to complain about, and worrying about the status of my 401(k) and debating whether I should liquidate it to purchase at least 30 bags of potato chips.

I'm disappointed in your quaint and laid back ways, former Confederacy.  Very disappointed.

Nick Saban and his roster of "We're better than you's" roll the Razorbacks.  Dropping a Grant and Hamilton on this one.  Don't rape me, Mallet (save that for your Saturday "sorority panty raid").

WAGER TWO: Georgia (pick 'em) over Mississippi State
Look: Georgia are complete and total ass this year.  The Dawgs are a steaming pile of ass fudge; when they take the field, Georgia looks like soft-serve chocolate ice cream oozing into a swimming pool of despair.  Quite simply, it's a Chipotle-induced misery.

But, c'mon: It's fucking Mississippi State.  Me, you, and a case of silver bullets could beat the Bulldogs.  First to a safety wins.  I'll take Georgia with 60 bingos.

WAGER THREE: Miami (-3.5) at Pittsburgh
I don't want to touch this game, but I have no choice.  Let me put it to you this way: This game is like being at a bar at last call and staring down two terrible "takeout" situations -- the big girl with the pretty face or the skinny broad with potentially contagious skin disease.  You're popping one off tonight, but are going to feel icky about it either way in the morning.

I guess I'll take Miami to cover (sorry, Chas).  $100 on the 'Canes.

$220 in play this week.  This is stupid.

Ken's picks are up next.

Michigan v. Bowling Green OVER 58.5 Shoelace Robinson will score 40 by himself and GERG's defense will still suck enough to make this an easy one. $50

Oklahoma -13.5 over Cincy. The Bearcats have looked awful the last couple of weeks, and Oklahoma has started to rev it up after their season opener against Utah State. $50

Oregon -12 over Arizona State. I'm betting on the Ducks until they burn me. $50

USF -27 over Western Kentucky. Yes that is a lot of points, but WKU is garbage. $25

Stanford -4.5 over Notre Dame. Jim Harbaugh is awesome, and it'll be a year before Kelly has them going again. $50

My Nine Team Parlay of the Week: Mich/BG OVER 58.5, Oklahoma -13.5, Oregon -12, Air Force -13.5, Nevada -4, Southern Miss -3.5, Georgia pick, Stanford -4.5, and God help me Duke -6.5 $10

Now watch me throw all these fake dollars out the window with a truly stupid slate of picks. It's so stupid I'm going complete Paul Maguire here. "Watch this, watch it -- RIGHT THERE! (circles picks 15 times with telestrator) You want to talk about pissing fake money away!" I guess what I'm saying is I should have sat this week out, but I have no self-control.

OK, I don't like any of the lines this week, so instead I'm running with the dogs. All of these for $25 and all on the money line:

- Pittsburgh (+150) over Miami
- Boston College (+165) over Virginia Tech
- West Virginia (+320) over LSU
- SCUMBAGS (+360) over Maryland
- Oregon State (+625) over Boise State

Next up is Kevin Meacham from The UConn Blog.

Back in this thing....let's put me underwater on my imaginary mortgage!

-- Northwestern -6.5 over Central Michigan ($25) 

-- Virginia Tech and Boston College, under 48 ($25).
Feel that el-ACC-tricity! Is there any rule against either team scoring negative points?

-- Arizona money line (-260) to beat California ($52)
Because betting 2.6 to win 1 is a great deal, IF YOU'RE A TREE HUGGER!

-- 4-team parlay: Air Force (-13.5) over Wyoming, Stanford (-4.5) over Notre Dame, Idaho (-7.5) over Colorado State and USC (-22) over Washington State ($25).
I'm in love with Stanford and I think the bottom of the MWC is terrible, and those were the four lines that screamed out "the favorite could easily win by 25 or more."

-- Big East pick o' the week: West Virginia (+10) over LSU ($30)

--Hedge With Hate: Duke (-6.5) over Army ($5).
Maybe the USMA can direct some artillery on Cameron while they're down there.

That will be $162 of my best cash, thank you very much.

Casual Hoya is clearly keeping the faith like the rest of… 

We at Casual Hoya have nothing to pin our hopes on other than our own striking ineptitude. 

Never mind.

This week we're taking my University of Miami Hurricanes -4 for 120. NC State +8 for 120, and a 10 dollar bet on SMU + 690 vs. TCU. We fully expect to lose our entire bankroll sometime around the third week of October.

Sean Keeley at Troy Nunes Is an Absolute Magician is looking for a bounceback week.

Tough week last week, let's get it together.

$25 on USC -22 against Washington State. I know the Trojans are down this year but Washington State might be the worst BCS team in the history of the world. And that's saying something coming from a Syracuse fan. I've seen terrible.

$30 on Oregon State +17 against Boise State. Beavers can hold their own, certainly 17 points of their own.

$25 on West Virginia +10 against LSU. The Mountaineers have a way of coming up big in games like this. At least I think they do. Actually, I don't know why I think they do.

And finally, Chris Lane from The Nova Blog, who is languishing in last after losing the maximum $250 last week. How are you going to climb out of this hole?

I'm fucking sick of the cellar -- I'm getting out this week. I hate Randy Edsall, and by extension Andrew Porter for the time being until this ship is righted. Could Villanova beat UCONN in football? I'm thinking yes so long as Zach Frazer is running the show up in Storrs.

Miami -3.5 at Pitt ($50) -- I don't know how anyone can take The 'Stache seriously (Sorry Chas). He belongs in 70's porn, not coaching a major college football program.

Florida -14 vs. Kentucky ($50) -- I'm not really sure what to think here. My sister's Godfather (Steve Addazio) is the OC for the Gators. He's pretty sure they are ready to break out of the Herpes offense they've been running and put on a show. Please god, just move Pouncey back to guard. I can't take any more snaps that at some point may cause head trauma and kill a ref.

Georgia-Miss St. OVER 46.5 ($50) -- I see a shootout on the field, and quite possibly in the parking lot over a pair of jean shorts.

Your Weekly "Chris Lane is on drugs that haven't been released to the general public yet" parlay! -- Notre Dame +4.5 vs. Stanford and North Carolina -2 at Rutgers ($100) -- I still think ND is incredibly undervalued. Yeah they are 1-2, but they could have (and probably should have) won both of those games, but got a bit unlucky with Crist going down against UM and the refs blowing a call on the fake FG vs. MSU. I think they'll rebound and win this outright.

As for the Rutgers game, I'm in an angry mood and have decided to direct it in that direction this week. I might could even be wearing Tar Heel Blue on Saturday night.

Check back on Monday to see how much more broke we all are.