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A List Of Ways USF Could Lose To UConn Again

We all know USF does not have the best track record against Connecticut in football. (Or in any other sport, really, but let's deal with that some other time.) Of course, last year was pretty bad, what with the whole fade pattern debacle and the dropped coast-to-coast interception by Mistral Raymond and the last-second Dave Teggart field goal that made the Huskies the worst team to ever earn a BCS bid.

But when the Bulls travel to Rentschler Field, that's when the true howling madness begins. This time out, it seems like USF should be heavily favored. They've had an extra week to prepare, and there are favorable matchups all over the field for the coaching staff to exploit. Still, you know that somehow the Bulls are going to lose in some darkly hilarious and cosmically scarring way, like maybe one of these:

  • Darrell Scott is about to score the game-winning touchdown, but trips on his shoelaces just inches from the goal line and fumbles out of the end zone. Skip Holtz immediately bans shoelaces from team equipment. Denard Robinson calls Holtz out in the media, saying he thought of it first.
  • UConn slips a magnetized football into the game, and activates a monster electromagnet just past the goal posts the minute Dave Teggart lines up for a game-winning 79-yard field goal. He actually misses the kick wide left, but it is called good and upheld on video review by the refs who worked the Syracuse-Toledo game.
  • After a crucial third-down conversion, B.J. Daniels covers his mouth while sneezing and is called for a 15-yard taunting penalty.
  • 14 inches of snow fall on Rentschler Field in the three hours before the game. Enterprising UConn offensive linemen study the rule book carefully and see there is no rule against attaching snow plows to the front of their feet. They literally clear a path for Lyle McCombs to run for 350 yards and six touchdowns as the USF defense struggles to contain him in the knee-deep powder.
  • During halftime, UConn receives invitation to ACC and abandons the game with a 7-6 lead. ESPN approves the cancellation of the second half so they can air "The Decision: NBA Lockout Edition" and five hours of poker reruns.
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    • Johnny McEntee has the game of his life, completing 45 of 50 passes for 600 yards and seven touchdowns. In the third quarter, McEntee throws the ball high up in the air, then runs under it and catches it like a kid playing by himself in the backyard. He then runs untouched for a 70-yard touchdown.
    • Voodoo Six.
    • Bored and totally unconcerned about the consequences, the Huskies suit up Kemba Walker at quarterback, meaning they have Kemba Walker and we don't. Kemba runs for 200 yards and three touchdowns out of some wacky wishbone option set and UConn wins easily. Sure, the game will be vacated in short order, but that doesn't give USF a win. And the fans will never forget what they got to witness. Yay, UConn fans!

    • UConn wins on a Hail Mary after the ball ricochets off of the helmets of Quenton Washington and Kayvon Webster and somehow perfectly lands in the hands of Isiah Moore. Gus Johnson's head explodes from pure excitement after watching the play.
    • Trailing 24-0, UConn fires Paul Pasqualoni at halftime and replaces him with Kevin Kelley. The Huskies convert seven onside kicks and nine 4th-and-longs in a 56-30 win.
    • The UConn defense acquires psychic and superhuman powers like the CPU defense in NCAA Football 12. They turn for passes while they aren't looking. 300-pound linemen jump six feet in the air to knock down passes 20 yards downfield. Cornerbacks reach out and intercept passes after the ball is seemingly beyond their reach and reaction time. For some reason, USF fails to gain the same powers and loses handily.
    • Voodoo Seven.
    • USF scores a game winning touchdown with no time remaining, but it's called back after Sterling Griffin looks back to see who is chasing him. The Big East refs consider that taunting and throw the flag for unsportsmanlike conduct.