USF Basketball Mixology: Game 21, Marquette

(DISCLAIMER: Enjoy responsibly. 21 means 21. Don't drink and drive.)

Going into tonight's game, USF basketball is in the rare position of having something to lose.

The Bulls' shocking 5-2 start in Big East play is generating some national buzz, and even cameo appearances in bracketology pieces. As Jamie explained earlier, USF also has a very thin margin of error when it comes to achieving a solid Big East record, a winning season, and post-season play. A road win over a ranked Big East team would confirm USF as a bona fide Big East contender. A loss would return USF to also-ran status.

And with all this at stake, look who turns up on the schedule.

Marquette.

Even accounting for football, has any school inflicted more torture on South Florida than Marquette?

• The 1995 Post-Season NIT Third Round game, which will be the subject of a lengthy piece this upcoming offseason.
  
• The infamous 71-36 beatdown at the Sun Dome in 1997, which led Seth Greenberg to say "sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the tree", and nearly get in a fight with Mike Deane over a late timeout. By the way, the game wasn't nearly that close.
  
• In 2007, Marquette beat USF at the buzzer when Jerel McNeal stole an inbounds pass and scored with four seconds left in a tie game. His shot just seemed to float there for an eternity, then roll around the hoop, before going down and denying USF fans even the temporary excitement of an overtime loss. Good night everyone, drive home safely.
  
• In 2008, USF beat a top ten Marquette team at the Sun Dome, but only after Wesley Matthews missed a five-footer and Lazar Hayward missed an easy putback. Even in defeat, Marquette tortures us.
• Then there was last year's cataclysmic fiasco of a game. I don't even want to talk about it. If you must know, you can read what I said at the time.

Folks, this one has tremendous potential to hurt. So for tonight's mixology, we're going to need something special. And for that, we turn to the realm of science fiction. (You can skip to 0:26.)

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (via sergeymk123)

Douglas Adams said the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster couldn't be mixed on earth, as it would violate both weapons treaties and the laws of physics. But various attempts have been made to re-create the the drink's hilariously potent effects using only Earth ingredients. Some are combinations of four or more liquors. Some are attempts to find real-world analogs for the fictional ingredients. Still others focus less on the ingredients and more on making the drink look science fiction-y with dry ice and/or food coloring.

But ever since I first read the books in my youth, I've always imagined the PGGB as being both incredibly strong and incredibly sweet. The kind of drink that would give you brain damage and diabetes at the same time. And the most common liquor combination in the "real" recipes seems to be Jack Daniels and peach schnapps.

With all of this in mind, here's my version of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:

• 2 parts peach schnapps
• 2 parts fruit liqueur (Blue Curacao, Hypnotiq, Triple Sec, etc.)
  
• 1 part Jack Daniels
• 5 parts fizzy citrus soda (Squirt, Mountain Dew, Jones Soda, etc. Extra coolness points if you can get Pschitt!)

Combine all ingredients into cocktail shaker over ice. Shake well. Serve in highball glass.

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Some lessons I've learned while attempting to make the perfect Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:

• The 50-50 ratio of mixer to liquors is key. It masks the potent ingredients just enough to make the drink pleasant, but not so much that it doesn't give you a buzz.
• If that's not enough alcohol content for you, you can add one part Everclear or other high-proof liquor. Increase the mixer by the same amount to keep the 50-50 ratio.
  • If you really want go crazy on the alcohol content, you can use a fruit-based alcoholic beverage as mixer. (This is a rare case where Zima would have been useful.)
    
• Don't increase the Jack Daniels. It starts to overpower the flavor of the drink.
• To stick to the intent of the fictional drink, the mixer needs to be sweet and fizzy. Something like Coca-Cola or cranberry juice is completely off-point, in my opinion. (But feel free to disagree; it is the nature of great literature that we can all interpret it our own way.)
• The drink should be green, or otherwise exotic-looking. This is one good reason to use a blue liqueur; the mixture with citrus soda makes a nice turquoise color.
• When experimenting, make small amounts and sample. It's very easy to make a combination of three alcohols and citrus soda that tastes just like three alcohols and citrus soda.
  
• To experiment with a ingredient you don't normally drink, you can buy those little 50ml bottles. I like to keep a variety of those on hand anyway, in case of guests with unexpected cocktail preferences.
  

Enjoy the Marquette game... but very carefully.