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Protect Your Unit Week 5 Results: Springtime For Hitler

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If you try to lose a bet and win, which have you accomplished?

Frazer Harrison

(DISCLAIMER: This contest is for entertainment purposes only. No actual money is being wagered.)

The Producers is about corrupt Broadway producer Max Bialystock, who tries to put on the worst play ever written. The result is a hilariously tasteless musical tribute to the Fuhrer:

When Max realizes that failure has eluded him, he asks himself "I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?" Two of our players are asking themselves that question this morning.

After a long career of betting $1 against Louisiana Tech, chuckycrater actually put $1 on the fighting Skip Holtzes, for reasons that can best be described as "spite for spite."

Skip keeps covering (3-0 this year) and I keep losing my weekly dollar as a result. Starting this week, I’m going to start betting ON Louisiana Tech to see if that helps them get utterly thrashed.

It didn't. La Tech covered the spread without ever being in the game. He won a dollar he was trying to lose. So did this bet succeed, or fail?

Similarly, DSidwell31 placed $4.12 and $2.10 on USF in honor of Willie Taggart's career won-lost record and predicted 2014 record, respectively. Ouch. Despite that bleak outlook, both bets were placed on USF; the point spread wager won easily. Not that USF still couldn't go 2-10, but the performance of USF's defense did raise a little bit of a counterpoint.

These two tremendously spiteful efforts will share the Randolph and Mortimer Spite Bet of the Week. How will they bet this week?

Your standings are:

(ETA Sep 30: I discovered an error in the original calculations of chuckycrater and ULismyhothotsex's total. Their week 4 wins were inadvertently recalculated as -110 wins, causing money to be deducted from their account. The below totals are correct.)

collin 1484.37
kendom 1481.62
iwaswrongabouthowell 1369.91
dsidwell31 1223.33
RyanTSmith 1181.53
diddybull32 1110.91
ucscott 1110.57
ElliotMoore 1104.64
tacoman206 1095.10
jthoma11 1061.82
LrdNorman 1035.21
chuckycrater 1017.52
GaryStephen 999.88
JimUSFSig 954.82
Snafu13 954.55
DaGata 939.89
andrewpina 928.30
shadow68 922.73
ULismyhothotsex 903.48
JasonLoughren 886.36
danj725 877.50
zls44 820.49
leavitttown 411.07

Our two leaders Collin and Kendom didn't play this week, so no major changes at the top. This week's big winner was iwaswrongabouthowell, who wasn't wrong about much else. Admire this impressive set of results:

Minnesota +400.0 money line Minnesota 30, Michigan 14 WIN $100.00
Washington State +405.0 money line Washington State 28, Utah 27 WIN $81.00
Maryland +165.0 money line Maryland 37, Indiana 15 WIN $33.00
South Florida +34.0 ATS Wisconsin 27, South Florida 10 WIN $27.27
Maryland +5.0 ATS Maryland 37, Indiana 15 WIN $27.27
Clemson -14.5 ATS Clemson 50, North Carolina 35 WIN $27.27
Cincinnati +500.0 money line Ohio State 50, Cincinnati 28 LOSS -$25.00
Texas A&M -8.0 ATS Texas A&M 35, Arkansas 28 LOSS -$40.00

That's 3 for 4 against the spread, and 3 of 4 money line underdogs that came in.

DSidwell31 also had a good week, hitting on Temple (won $90.91) and Notre Dame (won $68.18) against the spread.

Two big bets lost this week: ULismyhothotsex staked $200 fake dollars on UTSA -5 over Florida Atlantic. The, uh, (looking it up) Roadrunners led by 10 halfway through the fourth, but FAU's Jacquez Johnson (remember him from last season?) rallied the Owls to two late touchdowns and a 41-37 win. UTSA had a chance to win when they returned a last-second kickoff all the way to the FAU 13 yard line, but the bet was lost since they couldn't have covered the spread.

That's one of the true frustrating moments of sports gambling: watching your team blow out, then get a chance to pull it out, but it doesn't matter anyway because they didn't cover the spread. Clearly, this is our Floyd's Money Team Degenerate Bet of the Week.

Another $200 bet was wrecked when USF's defense came to play at Wisconsin. LeavittTown's parlay had SMU-TCU over 46.5 (win), Memphis +21 over Ole Miss (push), but took over 51 for the USF game.

The week ahead: there's only five AAC games to bet: Central Florida-Houston, Tulsa-Colorado State, Navy-Air Force, Memphis-Cincinnati, and SMU-East Carolina. (Navy counts as an AAC game, for our contest since they join the conference next year.) Other big games: Stanford-Notre Dame; Arizona State-USC; LSU-Auburn; NC State-Clemson, which looks interesting all of a sudden; Nebraska-Michigan State; and Alabama-Ole Miss, in a game that will finally solve the biggest mystery of this season so far: why the hell is Ole Miss ranked?

First lines post Monday night. You know the drill. If any questions or problems, shoot me an email or you can comment in this thread.