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USF's Jeremiah Warren Denied Big East LobsterFest Immortality By Poor Event Planning

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Let's be honest. When it comes right down to it, the only thing we truly care about at Big East Media Days is the clambake and seeing how many lobsters giant college football players can put away at a single sitting. So when USF sent 327-pound offensive lineman Jeremiah Warren up to represent the Bulls, hopes were high that he could challenge the all-time lobster record (either seven or nine, depending on whose accounts you believe).

The lobsters were cooked, plates were grabbed, side dishes were completely ignored, and the players got down to business. And Warren was a lobster-eating machine. The shells piled up beside him as Jeremiah downed lobster after lobster. Four... five... six... seven... the record was his for the taking. Until...

Lobstertweet_medium

ARE YOU %$@#ING KIDDING ME YOU #$$@#*ING RAN OUT!?!?!?!?!?

Who put this event together, Jim Burr*? How do you run out of lobsters at a clambake attended by very large, very hungry football players? Some of these guys have been training for this event for weeks**! This would be like the Outback Bowl players' dinner running out of steaks. Unacceptable, Big East. Totally unacceptable. Somewhere in here there's a joke about John Marinatto and god-awful planning.

(On the plus side, this makes it easier for Ken to match Warren's total of seven lobsters sometime this holiday season when we gather to re-enact the lobster-eating contest. I swear we're actually going to do it this year, instead of getting wasted on original, still-legal-at-the-time Four Loko and completely derailing the afternoon like we did last year.)

* - Because he's been known to run out early on occasion.
** - Unlikely, but it sounds good.