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The Bitcoin Bowl Is A Real Thing And Your Football Team Might Be Playing In It

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We hope you're reading this in a Tor browser, and are prepared to purchase things of questionable legality.

So a bowl game is now literally sponsored by fake-and-often-laundered money. This might be the point where the NCAA has reached full Keith Hernandez, and I hope the O'Bannon case finally blows up this sham of an amateurism system. Everyone is getting paid (including us) by being a part of this system, but the people actually doing the labor can't even profit off their own likeness. It's completely immoral, and one way or another it looks to be ending soon.

So as of now sadly you can't even give each player a full Bitcoin since each "coin" is actually worth more (at least as of today, this chart shows how stable the currency isn't, but 1 BTC = $604.80) than the $550 gift limit allowed to bowl-attending student-athletes. However I think they should totally give them correct fractional of a coin and allow each player have a shopping spree for drugs or sex or hitmen on Silk Road.

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (June 18, 2014) - ESPN Events, a subsidiary of ESPN,
has announced BitPay, the world's leader in business solutions for the bitcoin digital currency, as the new title sponsor for the annual college football postseason game played in St. Petersburg (Fla.). Beginning with this year's December 26 game, the bowl will now be known as the Bitcoin St. Petersburg Bowl. BitPay will serve as title sponsor for three years through the 2016 game.

"Our goal is to continue to move bitcoin into the mainstream and sponsoring the St. Petersburg Bowl offers us that opportunity," said Tony Gallippi, Executive Chairman for BitPay. "College football fans and the bitcoin community represent a similar target demographic - tech-savvy men between the ages of 18 and 40."

By sponsoring the bowl game, BitPay is not only hoping to stimulate the bitcoin community around the event, but also to further promote interest in the digital currency on a national scale. The bowl game will be an exciting opportunity to enable fans to use bitcoin in a fun, collegiate sports environment. With a rapport of over 33,000 merchants and growing, BitPay has led the bitcoin economy by allowing businesses around the world to easily accept bitcoin. The attention brought to bitcoin by the game will only further boost its ascension into the mainstream.

Can't wait to see the "bitcoin community" make their way to St. Pete for this game. And you thought the Scientologists around Clearwater made for some weird people watching in Pinellas County? I'm excited to sell my scalped tickets to a guy offering to pay in either virtual currency or Krugerrands, but not both.

But let's assume each player & coach gets a BTC wallet with $550 of coin in it as their bowl gift. Whatever would they buy? I mean what's the point of getting the official currency of the dark web if you can't put it to work?

Well we have a few suggestions.

Head Coach Willie Taggart: A "tough guy" based near Ruston, Louisiana. I'm not saying he would have his predecessor rubbed out, as we know Coach T to be a Christian man. But I don't think he'd mind giving the business to the guy that left him so little talent that his first game as a Bull was a massacre by McNeese State.

Wide Receiver Andre Davis: Adderall. Not for him, but to crush up and put in the Gatorade of his fellow receivers. The only way he's going to get open is if someone else can take coverage away from him.

Offensive Coordinator Paul Wulff: Steroids and HGH. When you're trying to run a smash mouth offense with guys recruited to be somewhat undersized on the offensive line... yikes. Putting some beef on multiple members of the O-Line wouldn't be the worst thing ever.

Quarterbacks Mike White and Steven Bench: Forged High School Transcripts. "We need help guys, and we need it now! Can't we get all these commits get here faster?? My eligibility clock is ticking like this (both begin Marisa Tomei foot stomps)."

All the running backs: Weed. Lots and lots of weed. Football hurts. A lot. It would be nice to see these guys have a way to take some of that pain away in the middle of the season, especially at such a brutal position. But they won't even let that happen at Colorado and Washington despite the recent legalization. We're watching these kids beat the hell out of each other, so if there's something that will help let them have it (/rant). (Ed: no we don't smoke... we just hate hypocrisy).

Feel free to add your own additions below, but we can't wait for this game and will go even if USF isn't involved. It should be delightfully awkward both inside and outside and full of the oddness on which we subsist.

Are they going to let us buy the infamous Tropicana Field Bloomin' Onions with our cell phones using BTC?

Are the local hotels going to be full of people hiding their purchases from the military industrial complex and the CIA by paying their room deposits via email? Those lines at the front desk at the Trade Winds might wind around the block.

Will be a co-sponsor, or are they just sending a representative like StubHub does?


And yes, putting another bowl win in the Bulls blockchain for the first time in five years wouldn't suck either.