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Potential USF Football Coaching Candidates: Skip Holtz

(*ducks thrown object*)

NCAA Football: R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl-Arkansas State vs Louisiana Tech Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

In every coaching search, there’s always somebody suggesting ridiculous candidates for the job. Instead of waiting for those wack ideas to come to us, we’re being proactive and bringing our wack ideas to you.

Skip Holtz (current job: head coach, Louisiana Tech)

All right, people, I know what you’re thinking. Settle down and hear me out on this. I submit that Skip Holtz is uniquely qualified for the position of head football coach at USF.

For starters, Holtz has been a head coach at three different AAC East schools. Every year, there’s a 50% chance that a team he coached will win USF’s division. I like those odds. And imagine how little difficulty our team will have navigating opposing stadiums on road trips!

And, he has a proven track record of having a good first year with someone else’s recruits. We all want that in 2017, right? It’s easy to forget, but Holtz’s first team at USF won 8 games, with wins over Notre Dame and Clemson. Would you take a win over Clemson right now? Of course you would.

We all know about Holtz’s propensity for conservative game decisions, such as punting from the opponents’ 35 yard line. Well, who’s better at pinning opponents deep than Jonathan Hernandez? Holtz would get better use out of Large Adult Punter than almost any coach in the country. I’m talking instant Ray Guy Award contender.

And finally, here’s a very powerful argument for re-hiring Skip Holtz... USF is already paying him! Per the conditions of Skip Holtz’s 2012 separation from the school, he is owed $500,000 a year through December 2017. USF could get value out of what is currently dead money, effectively getting a large discount on the new head coach’s salary.

In fact, all the elements here lend themselves to a unique arrangement: a one-year contract to coach USF football.

Why would Skip Holtz ever go for this? Very simple: USF is the only place he failed. He left UConn after a 10-win season and a I-AA playoff win. He left East Carolina after two straight Conference USA championships. He’d be leaving Louisiana Tech after three successful seasons there. If you had one great failure in life, would you turn down a chance at redemption, even if it meant you had to leave Ruston, Louisiana?

Okay, okay, I sense you’re not buying this. No problem, I have another idea:

Jim Leavitt (current job: defensive coordinator, Colorado)

PROS: It’s Jim Leavitt.

CONS: It’s Jim Leavitt.